<!– @page { size: 8.5in 11in; margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } –>I sent the letter off to my parents today letting them know how i felt about tuesday’s phone call. I was really really hurt. I do not need to thought of as a money grubbing greedy little bastard. All i was looking for was encouragement and support. I never get that from them. Mother always makes it all about her. “I didn’t teach you right” blah blah blah. Forget it. It’s all meaningless.

I don’t want anything to do with them. I am not going to talk to them on the phone at all. I may respond to e-mails or I may not. I don’t know what I’ll do if they do send a check. Probably send it back ripped up. I do not want their money. Not any more.

I’ll cash in my stock and my 401k and pay off as much debt as i can, then file for bankruptcy on the rest. With luck I can get into a room up north without a great deal of difficulty. Maybe someone will loan me the deposit money.

Then there’s this job possibility down here. Revolution. I will ask up front if they will have a problem with an odd work schedule and tell them about my insomnia and disability and need for accommodations. Well, not right up front, I will wait util there’s a job offer on the table. They want me for a QA role. I wanted a developer role, but the QA role may be more lucrative. we’ll see. I need to be ready for another cut in pay. It hurts to be going down and down in pay instead of up. But I’m gong to ask for $100k and see what they say. I hope I will be working with RonR at least. That will be fun. Plus they’re in Santa Monica so i don’t have to move or travel far.

If that doesn’t come through, there are the other possibilities brewing up north. I hope the recruiters come through for me. I’ve got to send out a note to Ed and see if he can score anything for me. Also a general note to people on LinkedIn to let them know I’m in the market will be good.

I’m so ambivalent about working vs disability. I’d rather work, but I don’t know if I can with this lack of sleep problem and the emotional issues hitting me hard. Sitting all day dissociated from my feelings isn’t good either. I am so disoriented at the end of the day I just feel like sobbing.

Well, that’s it for now. I’m not sure about anything, everything is up in the air. The only thing I am certain of is my trip to Australia. The tickets are bought and paid for, nonrefundable, nontransferable, and there’s nothing that’s keeping me from going at this point. So go I shall. I am so looking forward to meeting Ivy and seeing Hannah again. It will be a good time.