I first met Alecia as unmasked in #tss in 2007. She was someone like me, full of love for everyone. She was hurt, had been through an awful time health-wise and was suffering. Yet her heart was filled with love. I knew this to be a special person and I instantly fell in love with her. My love for her grew over the time we knew each other. It was wonderful watching her grow in her self and become stronger in her real self, to the point where her real gender took hold and became more real in her real life.
I made my feelings known to her about 5 weeks ago and happily she returned the feelings. Since then our love has grown and we’ve grown closer together as we’ve talked online. I love her tremendously and I want to take care of her in every way I know how.
She has a radiant beauty that she doens’t see, but I see every time i come in contact with her. Her picture I cherish and look at daily. Well almost daily. I know her to be a true woman and that shows in her picture to me. She is becoming more bold and is passing by being her true self in public. This is so gratifying to me. It means my theory is correct, that one passes merely by being one’s self, that no hormone treatments are necessary.
She is a wonderful person and has helped me tremendously, I am no longer deeply depressed. I am happy when I think of her. It hasn’t stopped the PTSD from happening, but I am stronger and can take it now.
I am still blocked on working on projects. I am forcing myself to write this as I know it will do me good. I cannot seem to muster up the enthusiasm for working on things i enjoy like programming, drawing, journaling. I seem to just exist. I chat and read email/rss, but that’s about it. It bothers me tremendously. I should be doing more. Ideas don’t come to me as they once did. I am flat, no creativity.
Work provided so much of a place for me to be creative and supplied my needs for innovation and creativity. Without that, I have to supply my own and it is hard to come up with things. I am worried that I’m stagnant and have no gumption for working on my projects. Programming used to be so rewarding. Producing software used to be so much fun. I haven’t gotten into the swing of things with iphone software yet. It seems so daunting, there’s so much to learn. And I haven’t touched my RonR projects in months. Yet I know what needs to be done with them. Snippets rattle around in my brain but I just can’t seem to put myself into the mood to write.
I’m going to discuss this with Shelley today and see if I can get some traction on this problem.
